Healing Touch Chapter 10 K/U [NC-17]

Image courtesy of the 'net.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek. I only own my fantasies.

Beta: Sincere gratitude goes to: Nyotava, Bandicca, Zapp and Trekskitten for such wonderful betaing! Each of them brought fresh insight and used their unique expertise to make this story a reality.

Summary: A sequel to "My Faith in You," addressing Uhura's recovery from a brutal attack and the depths of Kirk's commitment to keep her in his world.

***

Uhura awoke to the soft patter of raindrops falling outside in the twilight of early dawn. She could tell Kirk was no longer in bed and saw him standing just inside the balcony doors. He was staring off into the distance, seemingly focused on the soft white caps forming on the choppy waves far out to sea. Dressed only in tousled hair and silk loungers, his posture projected a certain tenseness about it - like something caged - ready to bolt at the first opportunity.

It was something she had expected sooner or later; eventually his conscience would catch up with his actions. Last night had been more about the attraction they felt for each other and less about her emotional recovery. Now, in the gray mist of dawn, all his old reasons for keeping his distance would begin to whisper to him. Soon the whisper would become a steady chant, too hard for him to ignore. Uhura knew the conflict he struggled with; she had felt his desire for her and his shame for it in the meld.

Now it would be her turn to offer comfort; she could not allow him to feel guilty for being human. Sometimes he was harder on himself for having feelings than Spock was, never allowing himself a reprieve for being less than some higher ideal. In the past she had admired the inner drive that pushed him to perform apparent miracles. But that was before she knew what it cost him emotionally, keeping himself distanced and detached from everyone save Spock and McCoy, trying to be a deity to the crew.

She eased out of bed, slipped on her robe and padded up silently behind him. Sliding her arms around his waist, she leaned in and pressed her body against his back, hugging him tightly. When he did not respond, she let him go and slipped around in front of him, trying to assess the emotion in his eyes.

"Good morning, Jim." She smiled tentatively, reaching up to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"Good morning, Penda." He answered with a gentle smile, but Uhura noted it did not quite reach his eyes.

He turned her around and made her face the sea, stepping up and wrapping her in his arms.

"This is harder than I expected." He sighed against her temple as he pulled her back against his chest.

Uhura closed her eyes tightly for a moment in an effort to keep her composure. This was the reality she had been expecting, not the fantasy she had lived for the past three nights.

"Is it really? Or did you just ignore all the warnings going off in your head in an attempt to try and save me one last time?"

Kirk spun her back to look at him, his eyes capturing hers and holding them with their pain.

"Maybe some of both. I knew the risk I was taking, but I considered you worth it--I still do."

As he spoke, Uhura's eyes lost focus, the tears threatened to spill down her cheeks.

"But waking up next to you… holding you in my arms and knowing it can't last…is tearing me up inside. I want you and need you beside me, but the cost is…steep."

"If it's too steep, I can go. I'll pass my pysch exam now, of that I have no doubt, but I can still transfer to another ship." She meant what she said, but the offer ripped out her heart. She wanted to stay with him more than ever now, but not at this cost. If he could not look at her without seeing regret, she did not want to be there.

"No--I don't want you to go. I'll--we'll learn to deal with this. It's just going to take us awhile to adjust, to learn how to put the genie back in the bottle."

The tears finally won and spilled down Uhura's cheeks. Jim held her tightly for a long time before letting her go. Wiping the tears from her face, she looked at him and tried to find her voice.

"So, where do we go from here? I can move back into my room and we can keep it strictly professional for the rest of the mission."

Cupping her chin, he asked tenderly, "Is that what you want?"

"No, of course not, but won't it just make it harder to let this go on?"

"Maybe, but I had someone tell me once I should consider this a gift from the Gods. Stay with me and let me do just that." The pain was still in his eyes, but a cajoling smile struggled to break through.

"We have two days before we beam back aboard, for some species, that's a lifetime. Let's not waste anymore of what we have left dwelling on the future. Regrets can come later."

Too overcome to speak, Uhura nodded her head in agreement as he leaned down and captured her lips with his. Scooping her up in his arms, he walked back to their bed and lay her down, untying her robe in one fluid motion. He spent the next several hours making her appreciate their decision. Regrets would come and they would hit hard, but that was too far into the future to concern Uhura. The only thing that held her attention now was the beautiful man making love to her over and over.

***

The sun was shining brightly when Uhura awoke again. It was late morning and she did not care--they had no formal duties today--Potakai protocol called for a day of quiet and contemplation before the Ascendancy Ceremony. However, the growling of her stomach did remind her that they had probably missed breakfast. Jim was still in bed beside her, slowly opening his eyes and stretching as she sat up in bed. She leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips, no energy left for anything more passionate. He smiled a lazy smile back at her and looked out toward the balcony.

"Well, at least it stopped raining." He grinned.

"Yes, so it has." She smiled back. At least his melancholy had fled with the rain; the sated smile on his face was a far cry from the remorseful look he had worn to greet the dawn. "Do you think Pahzj forgot we're still here? He's usually chasing us out of bed well before now."

A soft knock on the door sent Uhura scrambling for cover. She slid back down in the bed and pulled the covers up to her neck. Kirk laughed at her sudden modesty and sat up in bed, though she noticed he had plenty of coverage over his lap.

"I think he can read minds better than Anata'ka." Kirk muttered humorously before speaking louder to address their visitor. "Come in."

Pahzj and Nesz entered softly and efficiently, setting about their morning routine as if it were not four hours later than usual.

"Good morning, Ambassador, My Lady." The elder Potakai greeted them warmly. "May Nesz pour you both coffee?"

"Please, we would love some." Uhura smiled up at the Menage. "And, did we miss breakfast?"

"No Mistress, you did not. We thought you both might sleep longer this morning due to the lateness of the Ball, so we planned accordingly."

Taking the proffered coffee from the young Menage, Uhura placed the cup on her chest and sipped it.

"Oh my…that's wonderful…the replicators can't compete with this." She sighed.

The Menage beamed at her; thrilled with the idea they had pleased her so. Remembering a duty, Pahzj turned toward Kirk and spoke.

"Ambassador, you and Lady Uhura have received an invitation from Ramsha'ka to spend the afternoon and evening with his crèche. It is an informal gathering of his personal householders, a rite of passage from being the Heir of Potakai to Emperor of Potakai. He would be honored with your presence as well."

"We would be honored to attend, Pahzj. Just tell us where and when." Kirk replied after glancing over at Uhura for any concerns.

"I shall inform him at once. As I said, it is informal. They will begin to gather on the beach just after mid-day--"

"Uh, excuse me Pahzj, gather on the beach?" Uhura asked. She had not brought along any beach attire for them. She looked over at Kirk with an 'uh-oh' look on her face.

Nesz understood Uhura's hesitancy and spoke quickly. "Yes, Mistress, but do not worry. We can provide appropriate clothing for the beach."

"Oh yes, Mistress," Pahzj concurred, "We have access to anything you need."

Kirk grinned down at her and shrugged. He was game for Potakai beachwear, so how could she refuse?

"Great, Pahzj, then it's settled. Tell Ramsha'ka we'll see him on the beach just as soon as we've eaten something and figured out how to wear whatever you give us." The last line he grinned to Nesz, who promptly flushed, but returned the smile instead of fleeing the room.

"At once, Ambassador. I'm sure Ramsha'ka will have games and water sports planned. It should be much fun." The elder Potakai spoke with considerable enthusiasm.

***

The beach was breathtaking. The mauve waves curled in and broke on the distant protective reef, their mesmerizing journey only slightly interrupted as they continued on to the shore. Uhura's feet sank into the warm black volcanic sand. She stopped, taking off her sandals so she could navigate more easily to the brilliant pavilions staked out near the sea. The sun kissed her exposed skin and she let it sink in and take possession of her.

It soon became apparent why Pahzj was so enthusiastic earlier that morning when he spoke of the gathering; he and Nesz were invited too. Both of them were dressed in casual shorts and shirts and practically giddy with excitement. They led the way to the biggest pavilion, knowing that was where to find their hosts.

Nesz had done an excellent job of clothing them for the occasion. She had dressed Uhura in a provocative orange and red flowery bikini. However, for modesty's sake Nesz had also given her a matching sarong wrap to tie low over her hips. For Kirk, she had chosen a set of trunks in an abstract print of rich green. They too sat low over the hips, though the fact that they came down mid-thigh gave him a little more coverage than Uhura. He also had a matching cover up shirt, but he was shedding it as they walked, letting the sun soak into his already tan skin.

Uhura had to pull her eyes away from watching the ripple of muscles in his back and concentrate on slogging through the sand. The welts on his back, evidence of her enjoyment from their morning together, were still plainly visible. She had been mortified to see them when Kirk had changed into his trunks. There could be no denying what they were or who had done the damage. Jim, on the other hand, had just grinned when he turned to see in the mirror what had her in such a state. He just shrugged, acting more proud of his 'wounds' than anything else.

There were Potakai everywhere: old Potakai, young Potakai, Menage, Citizens, and Aristocrats. Far away, Uhura could see a perimeter of Warriors standing guard around them. Stiff and erect, the only movement she could detect was the wind blowing through their crests. She looked around and noticed even the Aristocrats had their crests pulled back and bound, protecting their beautiful plumage from the ravages of the wind and sea.

She, herself had her hair combed back and tucked in a tight bun at the base of her neck, but the wind had already found a stray lock or two to dance before her eyes. Kirk's short hair was blowing in the wind too; she grinned, noticing that his always-errant lock was having a field-day dancing in the breeze.

As they stepped under the open-sided pavilion, Uhura was finally able to see the royal couple. Ramsha'ka spied them immediately and broke into a big grin, welcoming them with a wave of his hand. Pahzj and Nesz smiled and let them go--now free to enjoy themselves.

"Zhames, Nyota, we are happy you chose to come." He beamed at them and back at Lilu'ka. Both he and his mate's crests were pulled back in an intricate braid that trailed down their backs. Smiling teasingly at his mate, Ramsha'ka continued.

"I was not sure if such a casual event would be enjoyable for Humans. So much water scares Lilu. Gengi is a dry world, but Earth has large oceans, does it not?"

"Yes, Ramsha'ka, it does, though I was born and raised inland. But I love the sea. Swimming, sailing, and walking the beach--I wouldn't pass this up. And Nyota grew up on an island. Her brother captains a commercial fishing fleet." Kirk smiled at Uhura as he drew attention to her family.

"Oh, a fisherman? Did you know the early Potakai were fishermen? The Menage are direct ancestors of their way of life. In the olden days, Potakai fishermen would pluck their plumes and weave them into fishing nets. That is why the today's Menage are bald or shorn, in honor of their ancestors who fed the village."

"How fascinating." Uhura acknowledged; she was always interested in hearing how a society evolved.

"Yes, and then they tamed the basc and formed a partnership with them. Together they could feed many. Zhames, you must come over to the pier--we have basc to ride today. It is great fun!"

At Lilu's shudder, Uhura cast a questioning eye at the two males.

"Do not be alarmed, Nyota. Zhames is safe if he likes the sea. I do not, but I do enjoy seeing Ramsha so happy. Our basc are domesticated animals and very gentle with Potakai."

"Basc?" Uhura and Kirk asked in unison.

"Yes. Large animals that resemble fish, but come to the surface to breathe air. While not sentient, they possess the ability to sense emotions and can communicate with Potakai in a crude fashion. As I said, in the past, Potakai formed partnerships with them to fish. We have never really understood what the basc gained from the relationship. They certainly didn't need our help to hunt, but they seem to enjoy our emotions. Our basc are domesticated, but wild basc have been known to approach Potakai too."

"--And they have been known to eat a stray Potakai or two." Anata'ka chimed in as she and Chota'di made their entrance.

"Grandmother! Do not scare Zhames away with such a stretch of the truth." Ramsha'ka scolded, but still grinned at the Dowager as she greeted her grandson.

"Ramsha, I hardly believe a big fish will scare away Zhames. I hazard to guess he has seen far deadlier creatures in the course of his journeys." The Empress sighed as she sat next to Lilu.

"Greetings, my children. Are you all enjoying Ramsha'ka's last fling at being mortal? I personally would have preferred a gathering at the pool." Anata'ka glanced meaningfully at her heir.

"Yes, Grandmother, I did consider that, but there wasn't enough room for everyone. The children needed room to run and we could set up more food and beverage stations so everyone could sustain themselves instead of being served."

"Yes, Ramsha, I do know--but the sand and wind are hard on my skin and crest. You just ensure your crest is presentable tomorrow--nothing broken or bent will be tolerated. I, personally, will pluck them if that happens." She smiled, but the threat was real.

Uhura and Kirk watched the family dynamics unfold before them. Anata'ka was being crotchety and had no problem still ruling the roost. Ramsha'ka deferred to her, but more out of love for the cranky old woman than out of any real fear of threat.

"I promise to be especially careful. Well, Zhames, Chota'di--care to ride a basc?"

Uhura noted the quick glance between Anata'ka and Chota'di--his in surprise at being included--hers in acquiesce. She caught Jim's own smile and returned it to him; he was fairly chomping at the bit.

"Go then. I will stay and be entertained by the better part of your bonds." Anata'ka motioned with her hands that they were dismissed, practically shooing them away like little boys. Which fit really, as their hurried saunter toward the pier could in no way be described as dignified.

The women all watched them go toward the pier, Ramsha'ka in a pair of teal trunks and Chota'di sporting a pair of black and gold ones. Uhura noted that Ramsha'ka moved to Kirk's left and sandwiched the shorter Human between himself and Chota’di. Their sleek and shiny deep indigo skin appeared all the darker against the gold of Kirk's own flesh. The vibrant colors of their tattoos on their arms, and Chota'di's face, were so intense Uhura had to squint against the sun's reflection off them. Kirk was a full head shorter than both Potakai, and his lack of tattoos somehow made him appear the youngest of the bunch. However, the triangle made between the breadth of his shoulders and the taper of his waist clearly marked him as the stronger male.

"All right, we have ogled them enough." Anata'ka declared; though she herself was still studying them with a practiced eye as they reached the pier.

She noticed Uhura grinning at her and smiled back conspiratorially.

"I'll never be too old to enjoy handsome men, Nyota. My grandson notwithstanding, Zhames is truly breathtaking. If he had a crest, I would be moved to challenge you for him."

Lilu'ka colored at her Grandmother's remark and Anata'ka shrugged her shoulders, dismissing the implied embarrassment.

"Ah, Granddaughter, whenever you have lived as long and as lonely as I, then you can rebuke me. Tomorrow your bond-mate becomes Emperor. All the other women will be jealous of you, but still I see the look of interest in your eyes."

Lilu colored even more and tried to speak, but Anata'ka cut her off.

"Do not deny it, Granddaughter. I see it in your mind, but there is no harm in it. I know you are devoted to Ramsha and Nyota knows I merely tease with her."

"Yes, Grandmother." Lilu answered in a subdued, but respectful tone. A twinge of violet still flushed her cheeks, but she brazened it out.

"So, Granddaughter, how did you manage to get the crèche mothers to agree to this outing? They rarely choose to come outside the conclave anymore." Anata'ka asked curiously, finally taking her own advice to change the subject.

"I think it may have been the promise of roasted goi and infinite kegs of chee for tonight's meal that won them over." Lilu smiled mischievously.

"Ah, I knew we chose well for Ramsha, you understand that the crèche is the source and must be made an ally." Anata'ka nodded in approval of the young woman's tactics.

"Thank you, Grandmother. And speaking of them, I think it is time I should go greet the elder mothers. May I tell them you will come shortly?" Lilu smiled graciously, obviously pleased at the compliment.

"Yes, go Granddaughter. Tell them I will come later, when I am ready. Advise them that I will bring Nyota as well." She looked pointedly at Lilu, reinforcing her dominance over all in attendance. She might need the crèche mothers, but would never cow to them.

"Yes, Grandmother." Lilu nodded in place of dipping her bound crest and left them to pay her respects to the matriarchs of their crèche.

Now, all alone with Nyota at the forward edge of their pavilion, Anata'ka eyed the consort appraisingly for a long moment. Uhura felt the feather touch of her mind as it brushed lightly in her thoughts, but nothing as intense as the night of the reception.

"So, Child, you seem better than when we spoke last. I take it that you and Zhames have come to an understanding?" The Dowager inquired too casually. As Uhura's eyes widened, the telepath continued.

"No, Child, I do not delve into your intimate moments together. I respect your privacy, but I can sense the easing of tension between you both and the brightening of your spirit. And now, from your perspective, I even understand the connection I sensed earlier between you. This 'meld' you shared with Zhames and Spock, it *did* link a part of you together. The bond was very deep in your minds. I could sense it, but not truly see it."

Her intense turquoise eyes were locked with Uhura's, capturing the Human in their power as easily as a cobra hypnotized its prey.

"It was unnatural and your minds rebelled against the union, but your bodies craved each other, knowing it was the only way to resolve the conflict. Yes, the bond is broken now, but you can still feel its echo--and I think you both always will." Anata'ka's eyes lost focus and she seemed to turn her thoughts inward for a moment, started to say more, but stopped herself.

"I have my life back now and that wouldn't be possible without him." Uhura replied. Saying anything else seemed superfluous.

"That is true, but he has gained something too. You have made a place in his heart for all time. One of the few who will ever do so, and the only one who won't abandon him at some point in his life. It may take months or years for him to realize this, but that day will come." The elder woman decreed with a sincerity that Uhura didn't dare challenge.

"And now, see the boys at play." Anata'ka looked out near the pier and motioned for Uhura to do the same. She felt herself go faint. Moving out to sea, she could see three huge shadows moving just under the water's surface. Sitting atop each was a lone rider, their forms tiny in comparison with the basc they 'rode'. Uhura had no idea that the basc would be so large. She had thought they might be the size of a dolphin, or possibly an Orca, but these creatures were much larger, more in line with the extinct species of whales back on Earth.

Anata'ka laughed at the shocked look etched on her face.

"Yes, they are big. Zhames was just as surprised as you, but he did not let that stop him. In fact, the lead cow chose him and left the others to the younger bulls. At first, I think she just wanted to sense the stranger, to see if he posed a threat to her herd, but now she is caught up in his enthusiasm."

Unable to form a reply, Uhura could just make out their forms as the dark shadows made a wide turn and quickly drove back toward the shore. Ramsha'ka stood up on the back of his basc as they both balanced on the top of a huge wave. The basc weaved in and out of the tunnel of water before finally cutting back out to sea.

Uhura's eyes quickly sought out the form of Kirk and watched as he attempted to mimic Ramsha'ka's behavior. The basc he rode was easily the largest of the three and was charging into the wave faster than the other had. Kirk was on his feet and crouched low as the massive wave curled around him. The basc kept them just at the lip of the wave, racing in close to the reef before arching back sharply and slicing back across the wave toward the open sea. Kirk held it for a moment, but a final buck from the basc sent him sailing off before crashing headfirst into the water.

Uhura stood up, looking anxiously for Kirk to break the surface. She saw the basc sink down deeper in the water and finally come up with Kirk lying across her back. He slowly sat up and shook his head, obviously trying to get his bearings. After a moment, he turned and waved toward their pavilion and Uhura felt herself relax.

"Nyota, he says to tell you he is fine and that he forgot what it was like to ride a bronc."

Uhura laughed at his joke and knew he was really okay.

"I told him to keep a rein on his enthusiasm, as the basc feed on our emotions. The old cow just got caught up in the thrill and launched him. I think it was 'yee ha' that did it." Anata'ka grinned wickedly.

Uhura laughed out loud with that remark. She had always thought of him as a cowboy, but now had proof that he thought of himself as one too.

Anata'ka's eyes quickly tracked for Chota'di as he and his basc made their run for a big wave. He was up and in the tunnel, skirting the edge of the wall of water with his hand, just as Uhura had seen countless professional surfers do back on Earth. He rode the wave to the end before his basc, the smallest of the three, cut back to join the others.

Uhura watched Anata'ka as well as Chota'di, interested in the dowager's behavior as she observed her escort conquer the wave.

"He is handsome, is he not?" Anata'ka asked dreamily without taking her eyes off the general.

"Very." Uhura admitted honestly. His well-defined muscles could easily be seen as the sun cast shadow and light off the angles of his skin.

"Would you believe a Warrior could ride so well? Or, for that matter, even consider it to do? Anata'ka asked Uhura frankly.

Uhura was speechless for a moment. She realized Anata'ka was speaking to her as a fellow Potakai, not a human to which such restrictions in behavior were non-existent.

"I find the General's behavior to be amazing on many levels." She finally answered.

Anata'ka turned and studied her for an instant, assessing her statement.

"Forgive me, Child. I forget you humans are not so emotionally constrained by biology. But nevertheless, you are correct--the General's behavior is amazing."

Lilu'ka re-entered the pavilion and made her way to their side once again. Noting the basc-riders out to sea, she smiled.

"Ramsha is enjoying himself immensely. I fear we will have a tough time talking him back in."

"Ha! He better enjoy it now." Anata'ka warned. "Because when Nyota and I get back from visiting the crèche mothers, they must bring the basc through the reef and let the children ride them."

"He says take your time visiting and he's not even sure if Zhames' basc can navigate the channel anymore. She may be too big." Lilu'ka remarked out loud.

Uhura realized her speaking was more for her sake than Anata'ka's. She glanced out to sea and noticed the cleft cut in the reef that separated the pounding surf from the relatively calm waves breaking against the beach. It was narrow, cut at an angle to minimize any surf breakthrough and quite possibly too small for the cow to pass through.

"My visit is my own affair, Grandson. And I would love to see someone try to keep that cow out of the sanctuary once she realizes the little ones are here." Anata'ka chuffed at Lilu, but primarily speaking to Ramsha through their link.

"The crèche mothers are not so keen on taking the youngest ones out into the sea." Lilu'ka tentatively.

"Then they should have left them in the nursery. If they are old enough to play in the sand, then they are old enough to brave the sea. Besides, there are more than enough Menage to attend each child. How can they learn what the world has to offer by standing on the shore?" Anata'ka scoffed.

"Nyota, let us get this visit over with. My temper does not bear maternal clinginess well. The old women grow dotty with age, thinking I would let something happen to our future…."

Lilu glanced at Uhura, a silent flash of exasperation evident in her face. Uhura gave an understanding smile to the younger woman. Grandmothers were the same all over--some things were a universal constant.

***

TBC

~ID'ic

Healing Touch Chapter 9 K/U [NC-17]

Image: You don't even want to know....

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek. I only own my fantasies.

Beta: Sincere gratitude goes to: Nyotava, Bandicca, Zapp and Trekskitten for such wonderful betaing! Each of them brought fresh insight and used their unique expertise to make this story a reality.

Summary: A sequel to "My Faith in You," addressing Uhura's recovery from a brutal attack and the depths of Kirk's commitment to keep her in his world.

~~~~

The Governor's Ball had been in full swing when Pahzj finally decided it was time for them to make their appearance. Apparently, arriving fashionably late was a method of establishing your rank in Potakai society. Since it was a fete arranged by the Planetary Governors, they had no choice but to be punctual; however, the Royal party did not arrive until shortly after Kirk and Uhura.

The Federation Consort was in awe as they entered the ballroom. Hundreds of couples were dancing Potakai-style, that is, facing each other, crests displayed in the most erect posture possible and both palms extended to meet their partners. The couples swirled across the floor in stylized unison. Everyone was dressed to the hilt; she was bedazzled by the opulence that surrounded her. The only thing she could compare it to was Carnivale on Risa--flashy but structured.

Uhura suddenly felt very small and plain. There was nothing she could do about her height--even the stilettos she wore did not put her at eye level with Jim, and he was shorter than the average Potakai. However, in their apartments she had been pleased with her attire, a richly embroidered maroon silk that swathed her body in Roman fashion--one shoulder and hip bare with a long train draped across the opposite shoulder. Now she felt like the ugly duckling, there was no way she could compete with the easy grace and glamour that exuded from the women here. She froze for a moment and brought Kirk up short as he attempted to continue their entrance. A knowing smile transformed his face and his eyes softened as he took in her hesitancy.

"Penda, you're just as beautiful as any woman here. In fact, you're more beautiful because I have you all to myself." He whispered softly into her ear.

The compliment caused electricity to race along Uhura's spine and she drew herself erect while searching for a confident smile. Uhura allowed him to draw her into the maelstrom of pageantry, barely aware of anyone other than him. His attention helped her recapture the poise that had momentarily escaped her.

Tonight Jim was so handsome it almost hurt to look at him. He wore a deep forest green suit with copper-hammered studs embedded across the shoulders and tapered down the center of his cropped jacket. His only other embellishments were a Federation pin he wore over his heart and the feather token from Anata'ka in his hair. When he smiled at her he took her breath away. How would she be able to let him go? Uhura shoved that thought away; they still had time together and she would not waste it worrying about reality. Now was not reality--now was definitely not reality.

"Zhames and Nyota, you make a handsome couple tonight." Anata'ka greeted them warmly as they neared the Royal entourage. Chota'di stood by her side and gave them both a slight nod.

"Yes, Ambassador, I must admit you Humans seem to understand Potakai custom well. I believe Lady Uhura has outdone all the women here." Ramsha'ka outrageously flirted with her. Uhura felt her cheeks flush with happy embarrassment, but she managed to give the handsome Prince a charming smile.

"Thank you, Your Highness." She replied demurely.

"I was just complimenting her myself, Ramsha'ka, but I think we would be remiss if we failed to include Anata'ka and Lilu'ka in that assessment as well."

Kirk gave the women a devastating smile before taking their hands and bowing low, touching each hand to his brow. It was a Potakai ritual for showing courtly affection between a man and a woman. Both women fairly tittered at the unabashed flirt and Ramsha'ka laughed as he nodded in agreement with Kirk. Uhura noted Chota'di did not; he was busily schooling his features to show nothing at all. She decided it would be prudent to bring him into the conversation as well.

"And General, may I say you look quite handsome in your uniform." She allowed the attraction she felt for the elegant Warrior to shine through her eyes.

A small smile curled the corners of Chota'di's mouth and Uhura was struck by the similarity she found with Spock's ghost of a smile he sometimes shared with her. In fact, she realized, Chota'di reminded her of the Vulcan in many ways: his quiet reserve, coupled with tremendous powers of observation and dedication--just to name a few. Anata'ka looked up at her escort and fairly beamed with pride. He was handsome and she could not help but acknowledge that point.

"Thank you, My Lady." He replied back formally but he softened the response by allowing some warmth to reach his eyes as well.

"Zhames, this is a Ball, would you and Nyota humor us by showing us how Human's dance? We are curious to see if it is anything like Potakai dancing. We would be interested to learn." The Dowager asked in the Royal mode.

Kirk looked at Uhura, arching his brow in silent communion; they had known this moment was coming. She felt butterflies in the pit of her stomach, but smiled nonetheless; they were at a Ball after all.

"I assure you, Your Highness, we are hardly role models, but I believe we can demonstrate the basics. It would appear the main difference in our dancing is how closely the partners are to each other. We Humans do not have such magnificent crests, so we tend to dance closer together."

As the next tune began, Kirk held out his hand to Uhura, escorting her out onto the dance floor. The music was only slightly slower than what had been playing previously. Kirk pulled Uhura close into his arms. She draped her arm around his neck and melded her body into his as he swept her across the floor in a graceful waltz. His hand slipped to her bare hip and gently caressed it as he danced with her. She knew he could feel her shiver under his touch, yet he tortured her more by moving his hand to rest against the small of her back. Every place their bodies touched set Uhura on fire.

She lost herself in the moment as they danced. All the other couples stopped and watched the two Humans as they glided across the floor. He moved them gracefully, full of confidence even as they became the center of attention. He smiled down at her and Uhura found herself laughing back; the confidence was contagious when she was with him. The music ended all too quickly in Uhura's opinion, but the Potakai chirps of applause caused her to be grateful they had ended their dance so near the Royals.

"I think Humans have the advantage over Potakai where dancing is concerned." Anata'ka exclaimed enviously.

"Nyota, would you allow me to dance with Zhames in Human fashion? See, Zhames, there is a reason your crest is short, it will allow us to dance 'together' as you phrased it."

Uhura grinned at the surprised look on Kirk's face before answering the Dowager. "Of course, Your Highness."

Kirk recovered well. He extended his hand and led the Empress out onto the floor with a flourish. Anata'ka placed her hand on his shoulder while Kirk placed his hand high in the center of her back. Anata'ka was just as tall as Jim was and she looked him confidently in the eyes as he eased them across the floor. After a few false steps Anata'ka quickly settled into his rhythm.

'Well, another good use of telepathy' Uhura thought. 'She can sense his moves before he makes them. It helps in language, why not dancing.'

Ramsha'ka took Lilu'ka's hand and escorted her out to join the other couple. They began to dance as well; however, wary of entanglements, they danced Potakai fashion. Other couples slowly began to return to the dance floor. Ramsha'ka's entry seemed to note that it was permissible to join in. Uhura felt a presence beside her and looked up into Chota'di's pensive eyes.

"Would Lady Uhura honor me with a dance?" He asked cautiously, as if he was more worried she would accept rather than decline.

"I would, General." She affirmed graciously.

He led her out onto the floor and placed his hands, palms outward to her in Potakai fashion. Uhura placed her palms against his and allowed him to press her into the swirl of other couples. He was an excellent dancer and kept her from embarrassing them too much. Occasionally she caught him watching Anata'ka and Kirk, just for a moment, but he knew where they were at all times. Uhura quickly learned to enjoy this style of dancing, while it was not nearly as physically intimate as human dancing could be, the opportunity to stare into your partner's eyes could be quite arousing on its own.

As the first song ended, Chota'di kept her on the floor, surreptitiously watching to see if Anata'ka and Kirk returned to the sidelines. When they did not, he asked her to dance with him again. She accepted and he pushed her to the fringes, away from most of the other couples as they began their second dance. When she looked up again, he held her gaze before speaking.

"Anat says you and I have much in common as well." He started, alluding back to their conversation earlier in the day.

"Oh, really? In what way General?" Uhura asked. She noticed Chota'di used the familiar form of the Dowager's name. Within the Potakai language, failing to use an honorific was an acknowledgement of intimacy.

"She says you and the Ambassador are not allowed to show your true feelings for one another. That, as your captain, he is your superior and you are a vassal to his duty." His voice was low, speaking just loudly enough for her to hear.

Uhura was shocked, but attempted to keep her face composed. Here was the Commanding General of all the Potakai Warriors admitting to her of his forbidden involvement with the Empress. Yet, she supposed, from his perspective, she was a kindred spirit.

"Misa mren, is that the right word?" Uhura asked cautiously, she had no idea where this conversation was going.

"Yes, it describes my situation with Anat." He answered forthrightly.

"In our culture, to be alone is unthinkable for one of her caste and rank. However, no one has been strong enough to challenge or bond with her. Still, most of our ceremonies require a mate; therefore, I became her escort in public. Over the years the role has taken on new meaning. Anat has taught me to 'appreciate' many ideas foreign to a Warrior."

Uhura watched as Chota'di's face grew soft as he relived those memories for a moment before bringing himself back to the present. He glided her away from a stray couple before renewing the conversation.

"If we are similar, how do you stand it? How do you work beside him each day and then go to your quarters alone each night?" His voice was edged with strain, both from the emotions felt and the stress of actually voicing them.

Moved to express some form of compassion, Uhura laced her fingers with his and squeezed gently. Careful of their appearance, he forced his crest back into brilliant display as he looked to her for answers.

"I consider the alternatives. Until recently, I guess I've always just accepted our roles within Starfleet's regulations. I'm not sure I could even stand to be the sole focus of his attention. But, for now, that's not an option and I must live with it or leave the Enterprise. I'm choosing to live with it. We don't have the ability to share thoughts as you and Anata'ka do, but we have been able to come to an understanding of a sort. It's fragile, and destined to end once this mission is over, but it's more than I ever expected to have. I guess bittersweet is better than no sweetness at all. I know that’s not very helpful to you, but only you can find a reason worthy enough to keep going."

Uhura stumbled to find the words to describe her relationship with Jim. Perhaps she was more confused than Chota'di... .

"I'm trying, but it is difficult to see the world as she does. I am a Warrior, born to protect. I have done so faithfully all my life. Now, she would ask me to forget what I am--to be something, someone different--I cannot. When the time comes I will die with my Warriors. I would do as she asks, and stay with her, but it is not meant to be."

Uhura's mind reeled with the implication of Chota'di's confession. Here was further evidence that Anata'ka planned to change the Warrior's destiny.

"I'm sorry, Chota'di. I can't fathom what it must be like to know one's destiny with such finality. I do know it is an honor to have met you." Tears came to Uhura's eyes and she had to blink them away quickly.

"Do not be sad, My Lady. It is the greatest honor to have served well and brought an end to the war. My only regret will be in leaving Anat alone once again."

For the first time, Chota'di smiled a full, if somewhat sad smile. His face morphed from the stern, battle-hardened Warrior, to a gentle, loving man. As the music ended the second time, he again searched the crowd and saw Anata'ka and Kirk walk to the side. He smiled again, this time with less sadness. Guiding her back toward the returning couple, he softly spoke into her ear.

"I am grateful for your honesty, My Lady. I wish you much happiness in your life."

"General," Anata'ka spoke in amused resignation, "We can postpone our acknowledgement of the Governors for no longer. It shan't be nearly as fun as human dancing, but duty must come first."

Anata'ka smiled with no hint of regret as she fluttered her feathers before continuing.

"Zhames, I'm afraid I have set a bad precedent by indulging my curiosity. I sense many that intend to ask the same favor of you and Nyota. Please forgive me. Potakai curiosity never wanes."

Kirk gave her a wry grin in return before replying for their ears only.

"Just be sure and warn me if I start to get into trouble again. I noticed Kesh'ka was here tonight too."

"That is, as you would say, 'a deal'." Anata'ka laughed and quickly tossed her crest in agreement before allowing Chota'di to escort her to the Governor's dais. The General nodded respectfully to Kirk, but dropped his crest to Uhura as he led the Dowager away. In an apparent effort to close ranks, Ramsha'ka and Lilu'ka joined them on their way.

"So, did you enjoy your turn around the floor with the General?" Kirk asked with a smile.

"Oh, definitely, he's quite an excellent dancer. " Uhura tried to sound carefree, but she couldn't quite get the edge of sadness out of her voice. Kirk watched the retreating form of the Warrior for a moment before looking at her intently. She knew he was ready to ask her what was wrong, but she pressed on, somehow not ready to share her moment with the General.

"As Anata'ka's escort, he must put in a lot of practice. How did you and Anata'ka do?" She asked just a little too brightly. She could tell he was still debating whether to question her or leave it till later.

"Pretty well, mostly. She seemed to have a difficult time remembering where to keep her hands, though. I practically got felt up a time or two." He confided only partly in jest.

Uhura tried very hard not to burst out in laughter. Hearing Kirk complain, even jokingly, of someone taking advantage of him was just priceless. At the sight of her near hysteria, he rolled his eyes and took on an air of long suffering.

"I am not as bad as everyone makes me out to be." He said in exasperation.

"You're right. Absolutely not--you're worse." She answered with a knowing grin. His attempt to humor her at his own expense touched Uhura's heart.

"Remind me to put you on report later." He muttered as he tried to squelch his own smile.

When the next song began, eager Potakai approached both Humans. As Anata'ka had warned, their evening quickly degenerated into a custom-exchange program. Neither Kirk nor Uhura had much time to themselves for the rest of the Ball, as it became the novelty of the evening to dance in Human fashion.

***

Uhura tipped into her bedroom, kicking the despised stilettos off as she rounded the corner. She stopped suddenly in mid-kick, as she noticed the room was bare of all her possessions. Flinging off the second shoe, she padded around the room gingerly, looking to see if anything of hers was left. Finding nothing, she sighed and made her way out into the common room. As usual, it appeared the staff had all retired for the evening. Uhura approached Kirk's door and knocked softly on the open panel.

Kirk was standing at the foot of his bed, holding up a silky negligee that in no way could be construed as 'his size'. At the sound of her approach, he turned, moving the wisp of material in her direction.

"I think this would look better on you. What do you think?" He offered casually.

"Oh, I don't know, I guess so. I did promise you nothing in pink." Uhura quipped back; at least she had found her belongings.

"And I thank you; however, it would appear Pahzj and Nesz have decided we should be roommates." He said as he glanced around the room, taking in the extra set of belongings now ensconced there.

"I mean, why keep dirtying up two rooms when we seem to spend so much time in this one?" He grinned and brought the nightie to her, holding it out and matching it up to her body.

"A logical train of thought. I can stand it if you can." She grinned at him and attempted to take the proffered garment, but he pulled it back toward himself.

"Do you really need to put this on, just to have me take it off?" The playfulness in his eyes set Uhura's nerves aflame.

"Sometimes that's half the fun." She answered seductively and tried again to reach for the negligee, stepping forward and wincing in pain as her foot reminded her of its prior abuse.

"Owww," she hissed and made her way to the nearest place to sit--the edge of his bed.

Quickly grasping the reason for her whimper, Kirk quipped, "Ahhh, and now I'll have to cite you for being wounded in the line of duty," as he sat down next to her, negligee forgotten, and reached down to pull her aching feet up into his lap.

She flushed for a moment as his strong fingers kneaded the soles of her feet. Even after the intimacy they had shared, his nurturing action made her turn to jelly inside. Being able to do nothing other than lie back and enjoy it, she complied as he continued to massage the ache from first one foot and then the other. She closed her eyes and savored his ministrations, opening them as his touch turned more sensual and moved up her leg.

"Now, is that better?" He asked softly as he slipped out from under her feet and pulled himself up beside her on the bed.

"Mmmm...much better." She purred. He had both relaxed and aroused her with his tenderness.

"Good. Now, where were we? Something about the necessity of you undressing... ." He whispered in her ear as he rolled onto his back and pulled Uhura along with him. From that vantage he was able to loosen the train of her gown and pull it away from her shoulders, exposing her breasts.

"You're too good at this." Uhura chided him as she found herself nearly undressed.

"I just executed a highly considered plan. I should get praise for its flawlessness, not chastised." He remarked as he rolled her onto her back and began to nip and caress what he had exposed.

"Oh...mmm...you're definitely going to get praised." She sighed in his ear as he moved up and started nibbling on her neck.

Uhura felt her way to the fastenings of his jacket and worked them free. She pushed it off his shoulders while he continued to nuzzle her ear. Finally, he stopped and got off the bed, attempting to undress before she stopped him with a challenge.

"Slowly, Jim, do it slowly so I can look at you and enjoy it."

At her words his eyes became dark, his pupils dilating with excitement, but he stopped rushing and began the ritual of slowly undressing. Each move was a seduction in and of itself as he finished removing his jacket, then began to torture her with each fastener of his shirt. Uhura's own eyes dilated in excitement as he stood there in his open shirt, the fire fountain light dancing across the muscles of his chest. A small whimper escaped her lips when he undid the fly of his pants; slowly peeling them off his hips and letting them drop to the floor. He stepped out of them gracefully and Uhura's eyes fixated on his prominent erection straining against his briefs.

"I might need help with these." He said huskily.

Uhura quickly pulled herself to her knees and reached out to him, but slowed down as she touched his hips.

"Perhaps I could be persuaded to offer some assistance. What do I get in return?" She whispered into his ear as she teasingly ran her fingers along the band of his briefs.

"Oh, I don't know. I thought I had earned some credit with that foot massage." Playing her game, he chuckled deep in his throat as he began to caress her breasts. "But if you need more enticement, I'm sure we can work something out."

"I'm sure we can." Uhura agreed as she slid her fingers into his waistband and slowly eased them off his hips.

Kirk stood still and allowed her to stroke him all over as she pushed the briefs to the floor. Freed from the last of his clothes, he continued his quest in removing the rest of Uhura's gown. His hands traveled lightly and delightfully over her body as he unwound the last of the silk and tossed the offending garment to the floor.

Still on her knees, Uhura smiled at him as she leaned in to taste his lips. Tonight was far different from the night before. Gone was the fear of allowing his touch. Now, it had been replaced by an overwhelming desire to possess him; she actually burned with need. She was desperate to experience, in their few remaining nights together, what she suspected a lifetime could not hold. In fact, the impermanence of it made her daring, willing to push the boundary of their new relationship.

She ran her fingers through his hair as she pulled him tightly to her body. The heat and hardness she felt between them only enflamed her more. She reached down and grasped his firm shaft with one hand, stroking and squeezing it with desire. With the other hand she cupped his testicles: heavy with promise, they provoked her into action. Breaking free from the returned embrace, Uhura scooted back onto the bed, drawing Jim down with her.

"Tonight, I want to make love to you. Tonight--I'm the Captain and you must obey *me*." She whispered as she pushed him onto his back and settled herself across his hips.

"Close your eyes. They distract me too much and I want to focus solely on you. I want to touch you all over and memorize every inch of you."

"I thought you'd never ask." He purred against her lips as he returned her kisses.

"I'm shy." Uhura said with a wink as she sat up and brazenly rubbed her own breasts and hips.

"I used to think so." Kirk sighed softly as he closed his eyes and lay back, letting her take charge of the evening.

Uhura started at his head and ran her fingers through his hair; it was soft and silky between her fingers. She stroked his face with her hands, gently caressing his temple and jaw, memorizing the planes and angles of his handsome features. Next, she outlined his ears with the edge of a nail and felt him shudder at her touch. She passed her fingertips gently over his brow and drank in the sight of his long lashes resting against his skin. For now, the mesmerizing hazel eyes were hidden from her gaze. The eyes that, with a glance, could make her do anything.

She softly ran her finger across his bottom lip and Kirk's mouth slightly opened, inviting her to slip it inside. Uhura slid the tip in, seeking the soft wetness of his tongue, and was met with that and more. He sucked on the tip and she allowed him to draw more of her finger inside his mouth. His tongue wrapped itself around the intruder and Uhura felt the reaction all the way down into her core. At her shudder, a knowing smile lit Jim's face and she was able to rescue her finger from further provocation.

From his mouth, she continued on to his strong neck and shoulders. Here she stopped briefly and leaned in to nuzzle the tender spot where the two met. Her nipples grazed his hot skin and he raised his hands, ready to take possession, before he caught himself and dropped them back to the bed. Uhura breathed in deeply, losing herself in his scent mixed in with the spiciness of his cologne. She nipped under his chin and the delicate lobe of his ear.

She ran her hands down across the deep muscle of his shoulders, marveling at the smooth hardness under her touch, before continuing downward over the length of his biceps and forearms. She brushed lightly backwards against the hair on his forearms and felt chill bumps rise on his skin from her gentle teasing.

Reaching down, she picked up one of his hands and laced her fingers with his before pulling it to her mouth and kissing his palm. She traced his lifeline with her tongue and nipped the pads at the base of his fingers. Finally, she took one of his fingers in her mouth and sucked it till he let out a soft moan and arched his body up into hers. She pressed her hips down hard against his and waited for him to relax, then placed his fingers against her lips and let him feel her smile. She returned his arm back against his side and continued her exploration of his body.

She ran her hands over his smooth pectorals, stopping to brush the tips of his nipples on her way down his chest. Again she leaned down, capturing first one and then the other of his hard buds between her teeth and gently tugging. A soft hiss escaped his lips and his hands were on her hips, pulling her against him. She let go of her prize and he slowly loosened his grip, letting her work her way toward greater rewards.

Uhura moved down his taut belly, until she came to the inviting hairline that started just below his navel. She inched her way down its path to find his throbbing erection. It jumped in excitement as her breath caressed it. She kissed its moist head and he moaned and arched his back, begging for something more. Uhura lazily licked the head, allowing her tongue to play with its groove before slowly engulfing him. She pulled herself away, letting all but his head escape before she took him back into her mouth. This time with more speed and firmness, then pulling away slowly again. She continued, varying the pattern and speed of her lips and tongue. Kirk's hands entwined into her hair and he moaned in time with her movements.

His soft cries and the hardness she was devouring brought Uhura to her own limits. She regretfully let him go so she could climb back up his body and capture the lips that were softly calling her name. She rose up on her knees and slowly sank down upon him. He growled deep in his throat and kissed her back hard. She knew he wanted to thrust up with his hips, but he settled for doing so with just his tongue. He allowed her to set the pace as she finally settled on him and gently started to rock. His hands found her breasts and claimed them, kneading them roughly at first before turning tender.

Uhura rode him, grinding herself against his hardness, clenching sore muscles around the welcome invader. She increased her tempo, caught up in the primal rhythm that controlled her. Kirk's hips slammed up to meet hers, each thrust pushing her nearer and nearer. As she clenched one last time of her own volition, her body took over and began its own spasm of release. Wave after wave of pleasure racked her body and caused stronger contractions. He could no longer resist and came himself, pulling her down against him in a powerful embrace and holding her there as his body was rocked by powerful shudders.

Capturing his lips in a hard kiss, Uhura grasped his hair in her hands and held the kiss until their bodies no longer bucked with release. Slowly, she backed off and began a more tender, gentle kiss, rocking her hips in blissful afterglow. She grazed her lips over his cheeks and his still-closed eyes. He opened them at her touch and she was struck with the whimsy of Snow White awakening her Prince Charming. Both the smile and look he gave her were wanton.

"So, where did you go to Command School? If the Academy teaches this, I must have missed that day."

"Oh, I can't tell you…let's just say it was Advanced Training…only a select few are chosen for it." She purred between soft kisses to his mouth and neck. "I graduated with Honors." She whispered against his ear.

"And I'm extremely gratified you did, 'Captain' Uhura." He laughed, delight for the woman who still sat astride him shining in his eyes.

Suddenly overwhelmed by emotion, Uhura curled her body around him, tucking her head against his chest and under his chin, savoring the moment. She could hear his heart beat as it calmed itself down to its normal slow rhythm. Sensing her need for closeness, Kirk wrapped his arms around her and she felt him kiss the top of her head. He held her like that for a long time, eventually sliding her off to tuck in neatly against his side. Exhausted from the previous late nights and the non-stop dancing at the Ball, they drifted off to sleep together.

***

TBC

~ID'ic

Healing Touch Chapter 8 K/U [NC-17]

Image: Manip by moi.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek. I only own my fantasies.

Beta: Sincere gratitude goes to: Nyotava, Bandicca, Zapp and Trekskitten for such wonderful betaing! Each of them brought fresh insight and used their unique expertise to make this story a reality.

Summary: A sequel to "My Faith in You," addressing Uhura's recovery from a brutal attack and the depths of Kirk's commitment to keep her in his world.

~~~

He felt himself being drawn inexorably toward the peak…the crest of emotions so strong he was helpless as they engulfed him, carried him away like so much flotsam in their mad rush to the surface. Each wave carried him further along, buffeting him in ignorance, lost in the nature of what it was. Pummeling him once, twice, and then a third time, before erupting in exquisite release.

Spock bolted upright in his bed, a strangled cry torn from his throat as he gasped for air. He flung the sticky sheet off himself and leaned forward, masking his face with his hands. Using what meager control he still possessed, he calmed his breathing and tried to focus his thoughts and emotions, his and those of others that were only now fading from his mind. The others who had conquered him in sleep and held him captive as they raced toward ecstasy.

The Vulcan had no doubt who had invaded his subconscious; the texture of their touch was familiar and wholly human. He reached out in his mind and tried to sense if they still lingered, but he felt no one. The touch had been brief, but intense, far too intense for him to fight. Instead, he had been a prisoner to the intertwining of the two he had inadvertently locked together with a meld. Trapped by their desires and the desire to escape the shadowy fixation between them, he had merely been the uninvolved conduit of their merging both mentally, and to his dismay now, physically.

Spock rose from the bed and stripped the sheets, throwing them and their contents into the recycler. He turned on the shower--water, not sonics--and willed it to wash away the voyeurism he felt. How had this happened? Nothing in his research had warned him of a risk of the 'bridge' mind being involved in a fixation resolution. He hoped it was resolved, he prayed it was resolved, he could not withstand another onslaught of such deep and erotic emotions pouring into him from somewhere outside of a bond. He had failed to control his own body tonight, it had succumbed to the emotions that had assailed him and reacted as any male would. His face burned in embarrassment and shame as he remembered the release that had spewed out of him, in unison with those on the planet.

He leaned against the shower wall and let the water pound his shoulders, trying to erase the images seared into his mind. Images of bodies locked in a primal dance, fevered lips scorching skin as they moved over mahogany flesh, flesh he wanted to explore. The feel of long nails raking along his sides and back. No, not his, but it might as well have been, the touch was just as real as if he had the welts to prove it. The memory of instinctive urges to thrust and possess what had been denied for so long. He turned his face into the water, illogically hoping it would wash the craving from his consciousness. He chose not to question whose desire he wished away, his or theirs.

His only solace was that he had sensed no awareness from either of them that they had been in contact with him. He could bear his shame so long as he was the only one who knew. If they were cognizant of it as well, he would not be able to face them ever again.

How had he failed so completely? He had studied the meld technique diligently. He had entered her mind stealthily and erased the alien-made terrors constructed there. His only error was in leaving before he broke the contact between the humans, his attempt to allow them a moment of privacy they could never know in the physical world. While he recognized it, he had not considered their attraction to each other as a factor impacting the outcome. Now, much too late, he saw his error. Now he paid a price, not nearly as enduring as the price they would pay, but in some ways more so. As a Vulcan with an eidetic memory, these feelings would not fade with time; they would stay as fresh and fevered as tonight.

Realizing the futility of his efforts, Spock turned off the water and dressed in one of his meditation robes. There would be no more sleep tonight. Walking past the damning evidence of his stripped bed, the Vulcan kneeled before the fire pot and sprinkled it with incense. He settled into the first state of meditation and waited for the trembling in his body and mind to stop, echoes of their passion still affecting him physically. It was a long wait.

***

Uhura awoke from a sleep so deep it might have been a coma. She lay in the bed, unmoving, assessing her surroundings. Kirk was no longer in the bed beside her. She turned her head and saw him sitting at the table on the balcony, reviewing something on a data padd. A platter of fruit and breads was in the middle of the table, along with a pot of coffee. Uhura stared at his profile, watching and looking for any clues to his mood. She knew she felt wonderful, but was cautious not to transfer those feelings to him.

Wait--she did feel wonderful! No, not just the residual high one got from a night of great sex, but instead, she felt so alive! Yes--alive, whole, complete, content--as if she really had awakened from a three-month coma and found her old self once again--the person she had been before Bengali. No--wait--since the meld! That was it! Uhura's mind raced with the epiphany. She had assumed, just like Doctor McCoy, that all her issues stemmed from her rape, but now she believed there was more to it than that. Yes, the rape had traumatized her in ways she was still recognizing, but the sense of loss and isolation was not there until after the meld.

When she had been trapped in her terror attacks, Kirk's presence had been her only link with sanity. The tiny world he had created for just the two of them was her only refuge from the chaos constructed in her mind by the Orions. The meld had intensified those feelings, gave her hope and overwhelmed her with an outpouring of love and desire. Then it was gone, and it took all her feelings of joy, love and contentment with it. Now, she realized what she had been seeking was that part of her soul--and she had found it. Uhura did not understand how she knew, but it seemed as if she and Kirk had taken a part of each other when the meld was dissolved and had given it back last night as they made love.

Jim must have been affected too; she recalled how quiet and sad he had been after the meld, sitting silently by her side. The past months had found him restless and agitated, unable to keep the stress from bubbling to the surface. Now it was obvious, but then she had thought only she had felt the aloneness. She remembered the tender kiss he had placed on her cheek, a simple gesture that had left her feeling more unsettled, more desolate.

Did he recognize the reason for it? She did not think so. She remembered how he had struggled in the meld between his desire for her and his belief that it was wrong. For a brief moment, he had taken possession of her emotionally, but quickly backed away; it had scared him to want her so badly. It had scared her too; his intensity was scorching.

Uhura knew she would get no answers from the comfort of their bed. She moved to the foot of it and retrieved her gown and robe. She ached from their night of lovemaking, but smiled with the memories each twinge evoked. She slipped into her gown, thinking of how nervous she had been when she took it off last night. The intimacy no longer intimidated her, but going out to greet him gave her butterflies. Would it be awkward? With the coming of dawn, would he regret their night together? Did he feel as different as she did this morning?

Kirk looked up as she neared the doorway. Uhura finished tying her robe and stepped out onto the balcony, attempting to smile as brightly as the morning sun that was shining down on them. Kirk returned her smile, melting away her fears with just as much warmth, making her feel at ease--everything would be okay.

"Good morning. You got up early."

"Old habits--I always wake up early. You were sleeping so peacefully, I thought I would come out here and let you finish your nap."

"Ah, I haven't slept that well in months, and it's all your fault." Uhura laughed as she kissed him lightly before sitting down at the table with him.

Kirk waggled his brows as he fought to control the smirk that was trying to invade his grin.

"Why thank you. You won't mind if I don't apologize for it, will you?" He inquired drolly as he poured her some coffee.

"Hardly, I would be more offended if you tried," she bantered back, noticing his mood seemed to be as good as hers, no hesitancy or awkwardness on his part.

Uhura sipped her coffee and enjoyed, for the moment, being the center of his attention.

"Jim, do you feel…different this morning?" She asked, unsure how she would react if he said 'no'. "Do you feel whole--complete?" Uhura prompted.

"Complete? Yes…complete describes it. Something I haven't felt for a long time now." He nodded his head, latching onto the word with conviction to describe his feelings.

"Say, like the last three months--since the meld?" She watched him intently, reading the realization on his face before he spoke.

"Yes!" He answered excitedly. "Since the meld! I thought it was just me, my reaction to your injury--to almost losing you. But you're right, I have been empty and angry, searching for something and no idea what or why. How did you figure this out?"

"I don't know. This morning I just felt like my old self and I realized that most of my issues seemed linked to the meld rather than Bengali. When you parted from me in the meld, I felt so alone…hollow. I wanted to tell you that, when I asked you to stay for a moment, but I didn't know how to express it then or what you would have done if I had."

Kirk dropped his eyes for a moment, she sensed he was uncomfortable with that last part. Would he have done anything? She didn't think she would like the answer to that question.

"Do you think Spock had any idea what was happening with us?" It was an obvious question to ask since he was the third party to the meld.

A ripple of emotions flashed across Kirk's face before he schooled it into neutrality.

"Possibly, though he did not share anything with me."

Uhura sensed that oversight would be addressed once they beamed back aboard. She did not envy Spock when Kirk broached the topic with him--and she knew he would. Uhura was not angry with the telepath if he had suspected something, she was just thankful to be back to normal.

"I'm sure if he did, he would have discussed it with you." She decided a little preliminary smoothing of the waters might be a good thing. The look she got back could be called skeptical at best.

"Well, regardless, we both seem to be back to normal. Whatever the reason for our problems, or their resolution, we should be happy for that." Uhura reached out and placed her hand on his, squeezing it, trying to get him past the tenseness her question about Spock had summoned.

Kirk sat back, but captured her hand in his, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. He let out a soft sigh before giving her a resigned smile.

"You're right, of course, and I am happy for that. I just don't like mysteries, especially when--no, never mind, you're right."

Uhura heard him say it, but she did not think he intended to let it drop, just postpone it for awhile. At that moment, his communicator chirped and he glanced at her before flipping it open.

"Kirk here."

"Spock here, Captain. I called to inform you that twelve more Potakai warbirds have entered orbit during the night. That brings the total to three hundred ninety-seven. The planetary news sources are advising the population to remain calm and that the Warriors are arriving to conduct a ritual as part of the Ascendancy Ceremonies. The universal translator is having some difficulty; the Potakai dialect used in religious and formal situations sounds markedly different than the one used in everyday conversation."

"That's true Spock; we've had to deal with some of that down here too." Kirk seemed to let go of the earlier topic and focus on the news his First Officer reported.

Both he and Uhura sat up straighter, eager to hear more of the Vulcan's report.

"It would appear the Warriors are preparing to commit some type of ritual suicide. Their precise reasoning I have yet to ascertain."

"That's correct, Spock. The Dowager told me of it herself. With the war over, they feel they no longer serve a purpose. If they live, the chance of war starting again is extremely high."

Uhura cast a look his way. She wanted to be mad that he had known and kept the information to himself, but she had found out from Lilu'ka and had yet to share it with him. Neither of them was doing a good job in the debriefing role. She vowed to remedy that.

"That is unfortunate, Captain. Logically, peace should stop the loss of life, not condemn so many to death."

"Agreed, Spock, but the Potakai are trapped by their biological imprinting. They have no choice but to follow it." Kirk's tone was sad, Uhura could see the same pain on his face that she felt in her heart about what was to come.

"Biological imperatives are often severe, please offer the Dowager my regrets."

"I will, Spock. Keep me posted if more ships come in and keep all scanners passive but active. I don't want any trouble with someone who feels like they have nothing left to lose. I'll check back in with you later. Kirk out."

"Affirmative, Captain. Enterprise out."

Uhura had remained silent during their exchange, listening and watching the Captain and First Officer's interactions. It was hard to imagine Kirk had just been questioning Spock's knowledge of their predicament before the call from him. She had no doubt they would weather that discussion just fine when it happened.

Uhura stood and walked over to gaze out at the mauve sea. She heard Kirk leave the table and come stand beside her. She watched him for a moment before speaking, enjoying both sights--him and the sea. With effort, she turned her mind to their mission and the problem at hand.

"Captain, I think I can send a few tips to Lieutenant Palmer that may enhance the translator's abilities. Listening to all the different dialects and knowing when they are used has given me some ideas."

Kirk pulled back from his own thoughts and gave her a quick smile. "Great. I'm sure that would make them a bit calmer if they could understand all that is being said."

"Captain," Uhura pressed on, needing to confront him about what she suspected was really going on. "Lilu'ka told me of the Warriors’ fate yesterday. She was sad but matter-of-fact about it. I can't imagine so many deaths happening at once and it being sanctioned by this society as a whole. It seems so callous: 'thanks for saving our lives, now go away, we don't need you anymore'--"

Turning away from the sea, Kirk interrupted her. "Lieutenant, Anata'ka is not callous in her view of what is expected. She is consumed with worry and, to a degree, guilt over their fate."

"Captain…have you noticed a …familiarity…between Anata'ka and Chota'di, something more personal than their professional relationship? I saw something between them at the temple and she read my mind, but never answered. Her silence told me all I needed to know."

"I've sensed a closeness and a level of comfort between them. Why do you ask? Why is their relationship important?" Uhura saw that her seeming change of topic threw him for a moment.

"If the Warriors are biologically compelled to commit suicide, would not their leader be driven to do so as well? Won't Chota'di be just as compelled to kill himself? If Anata'ka is in love with Chota'di, then wouldn't she risk everything to change his fate…to protect him?" Uhura drew a calming breath before she pushed on to what she really wanted to know.

"Captain, what did Anata'ka say to you in your private audience with her? Why did she really request you to represent the Federation? She has a plan to stop this doesn't she? It involves you somehow, doesn't it?"

Kirk's expression shut down; he hid behind his mask of command and Uhura knew she was right.

"Lieutenant, I'm not able to answer that."

For a brief moment Uhura saw pain flash in his eyes. Pain that he had to keep her out of his confidence. His answer told her enough, a truth couched in a denial.

"You don't have to, sir. I know it's true. You don't request somebody from half way across the galaxy on a whim. But I'm scared...for you. Something of this magnitude has to be dangerous, and Starfleet has just thrown you into it. If Anata'ka is working from personal motivations to save Chota'di, then she will risk a great deal. Please be careful, I can't bear the thought of losing you either."

"Lieutenant...Penda...I'm well aware of how emotions can influence one's decisions." His switch from her title to her name made Uhura mindful of what decision he was meaning, and it was partly because she knew he was distracted by her that she worried all the more.

"And do you regret any of the ones you've made because of emotional involvement?" She had to ask, she had to know if he regretted last night.

"Nothing recent comes to mind." He said with a ghost of a smile dancing across his face.

He pulled her to him and kissed her lightly, then more forcefully. Uhura placed her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her with just as much passion. Somewhere, in the recesses of her mind, she knew he was attempting to distract her from the issue. For the moment, she let him. He broke the kiss but still held her close, moving his lips to rest against the top of her brow.

"I have more trade talks today. I don't want more trade talks today. They will all be re-negotiated anyway once a real ambassador is named. No, today I want to tour the city, get outside these walls and get a sense of how the general population is feeling about all of this. I want to go somewhere unplanned, see everyday Potakai."

"How do you intend to do that?" Uhura asked, pulling back to look at him. She knew he already had an idea; it was all over his face.

"I want to go... house-hunting...you know, find a great location for the future Federation embassy."

"Ahhh...hmmm...do you have the authority to make such a decision?" She looked askance as he released her and slowly walked toward the bedroom door.

"About as much as I do to negotiate trade. Uhura, I'm a paper tiger in this role; my sole purpose is to keep Anata'ka happy and strengthen our relationship with Ramsha'ka. Anything else will be for the future ambassador to deal with. They, however, don't know that, so I intend to use it to our advantage."

***

This suite of offices was just as ornate as the other five they had visited all over the city. Kirk allowed Mek'ka to give him the grand tour as if his whole reason on this mission was to peruse Potakai real estate for the future Federation Embassy. The young Third Deputy Prime Minister's Assistant certainly considered it of prime importance. He took his sudden assignment as a show of confidence in his abilities.

Uhura lingered back, staying in the front room, and looked out through the balcony doors. The street was awash with Potakai going about their daily lives. Several clusters of Warriors were standing guard along the thoroughfare, but for the most part, the citizens ignored them, seemingly immune to their presence. This was basically the same behavior they had observed throughout the city; the Warriors more involved with themselves than the citizenry. If the regular Potakai showed any concern, it was from the sheer number of Warriors that were present.

"If the Ambassador wanted a tour of the city, I'm sure one could have been arranged--had he asked."

Chota'di stepped up silently to Uhura and spoke to her for the first time since they had begun this excursion. He did not seem pleased that Anata'ka had demoted him to escort service. He had stayed in the background, allowing the excitable Mek'ka to do all the talking.

"I'm sure, General, but we really must advise our Diplomatic Corps of acceptable embassy sites." Uhura smiled her most charming smile at the solemn Warrior.

"The Ambassador scouts the city like a Warrior, not a diplomat. These buildings, like several of the others we've visited today, are much too far from the Palace to be of use as an embassy. Instead, he searches the high ground, the port, the business district and now the transportation center, looking for our strengths and weaknesses."

His bright yellow eyes flashed from Uhura back toward Kirk's figure down the hall. His look was keen and measuring.

"Anata'ka says we have much in common, the Ambassador and I, but I find him confusing. If he were a real Aristocrat, I would sense either a challenge for leadership or an acceptance of Anata'ka's dominion. Instead, I sense a Warrior who chooses not to fight, yet his tactics tell me he studies us for opportunity."

"General," Uhura turned and faced the tall Warrior, "Ambassador Kirk has no interest in conquering the Potakai people. What you are sensing is his curiosity about your culture and way of life. The Ambassador is a soldier in many ways, but he never sees violence as the only way to resolve a conflict. In our world, Ambassador Kirk is primarily an explorer for the Federation."

Chota'di looked down at Uhura, studying her with the same measured look he had fixed on Kirk a moment before.

"That is what Anata'ka calls him as well, an explorer. Why does one explore but to ensure that home is safe from potential enemies?"

"Or perhaps to find a new friend? Is it not possible that could make the search worthwhile? To find other cultures that would welcome you just as the Federation has." Uhura challenged softly, knowing it would go against all his instincts to consider her rationale.

"Those are decisions outside my province, but it has given me something to consider. Many of your ideas are strange and require reflection." He dropped his crest slightly to show she had made her point.

Chota'di looked up as Kirk and Mek'ka walked back down the hall, apparently finished with this tour as well. His expression became implacable and his crest was once again held erect. Uhura sighed; she had hoped to have gotten through to him that Kirk wasn't his enemy. Unfortunately, in this hierarchical society, two personages of equal stature would always create contention between themselves until one came out on top. Kirk did not even seem to notice how his easy confidence rankled Chota'di, though she was sure he was quite aware of it. Uhura just hoped it didn't get him killed.

***

TBC

~ID'ic

Healing Touch Chapter 7 K/U [NC-17]

Image: Oh my, where I search the 'Net for your viewing pleasure...

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek. I only own my fantasies.

Beta: Sincere gratitude goes to: Nyotava, Bandicca, Zapp and Trekskitten for such wonderful betaing! Each of them brought fresh insight and used their unique expertise to make this story a reality.

Summary: A sequel to "My Faith in You," addressing Uhura's recovery from a brutal attack and the depths of Kirk's commitment to keep her in his world.

~~~~

The dinner had been an elaborate affair, even by Potakai standards. Uhura was stuffed and she had hardly sampled all the dishes that had been prepared. As the meal concluded, conversations sprang up amongst the guests in pockets of twos and threes. Some guests moved around the tables, seeking to interact with many. Uhura had been describing what it was like at the Academy to a young Aristocrat when Anata'ka spoke softly in her mind.

/Nyota, I do not wish to alarm you, but Kesh'ka is growing too bold in her interaction with the Ambassador. If you do not protest soon, she will consider that you accept her as a concubine. She thinks you and Zhames are pair-bonded, and as such, share a mental connection. Kesh'ka is from a minor house and has strong ambitions to improve their standing. An affiliation with the Federation Ambassador would do much toward this. /

Uhura looked around the room, trying to appear casual. She spotted Kirk standing against the wall, a tall, beautiful Potakai female--did they come in any other flavor? --practically laying on him. He did not look troubled by his predicament, which caused Uhura's temper to throttle up just a bit.

/ Excuse yourself from Tera'ka and intercede, or you will have a guest in your bed tonight. I see Human males are no smarter about females than Potakai males. He does not realize how far-ranging her plans are; he thinks her a harmless flirt. /

Uhura smiled to her young companion and made up an excuse to leave. She hoped it made sense, because she really could not remember what she had said. As she approached the errant couple, Uhura could see that Kirk was still leaning against the wall, his hands behind his back, acting as a cushion between his back and the wall. Well, she thought, at least his posture did not present as if he was being the aggressor in this conversation.

/ No, he is not, Nyota. Do not be angry with him, he is just male. He has no intentions toward Kesh'ka, but she does not know that. A Potakai male would have rebuffed her immediately if he was not interested; hurting her feelings would not have been a consideration. /

Uhura was within arms reach of Kirk and stopped, leaning in slightly and speaking softly to the interloper.

"Excuse me, Kesh'ka isn't it? Well, Kesh'ka, let me just say we won't be needing your services tonight, or any other night, thank you. The Ambassador has quite enough woman in me to keep him entertained. Jim, will you join me back at our table? I grow lonely in your absence." The extra fluttering of her eyelashes was Uhura's natural defense against the surprised, and then appraising, look he gave her.

"I'd love to, Penda. Excuse us, Kesh'ka. Thank you for the offer, I think." A chastised smile was tossed into the last remark.

"What was that all about?" He asked quietly as they neared their table.

"Anata'ka said you were about to make a political faux pas. Kesh'ka was attempting to sleep her way to the top." Uhura replied more calmly than she felt--'quite enough woman'--Please!

"Ah, well, thank you for the save." He whispered in her ear as he helped Uhura into her chair. "I do have other interests tonight."

Uhura fluttered her eyelashes once again; it was becoming quite a good cover. Though the smirk that answered her coyness told her that he was catching on quickly.

Ramsha'ka called for everyone's attention and announced the night's entertainment: a musical history of Potakai culture from their dawning to the present. However, it wasn't just music, there were dancers and entertainers of all sorts. It would provide a lively history lesson for their Federation guests. Uhura grinned at Kirk; this would be far better than any dry Federation analysis.

***

The entertainment was proving to be everything she wanted it to be, but Uhura still found her mind drifting. What would be expected of her when they returned to their apartments was encroaching on the festivities. No, she thought, what she expected of herself was demanding attention. She was the one who had planned tonight's resolution, not Jim. If she asked for an extension, she knew he would understand, but it would only risk her chance of staying on Enterprise.

Everything since last night was a jumble in her head. Waking to him and his easy tenderness--she could become addicted to that with just one exposure. Discovering what awaited so many Warriors and suspecting Anata'ka was planning something with Kirk to affect it. She had yet to be able to ask him about it. Upon their return from the temple, they had found several Potakai dignitaries waiting to follow up on their morning council conversation with the Ambassador. Kirk's meeting had lasted until just before their dinner. In fact, he used that as an excuse to beg off more discussions. Trade appeared to be a prickly subject.

It was even more unexpected when Kirk had asked her to call Spock and give him their mission update. She had kept her own logs and filed her own reports with the ship, but Kirk seldom delegated his contact with Spock. If the First Officer was surprised, he failed to show it. Instead, he seemed quite interested in her perspective of their situation, asking many questions about her interactions with the Potakai.

The ritual had also been more than she had expected. It was not every day you were purified by fire and water. Catching that look of interest between Anata'ka and Chota'di had sent her mind on a mission to re-examine what she had experienced up to then. Again, she had not had the opportunity to share her insight with Kirk, and was unsure if he would accept her woman's intuition on this point. She knew he trusted his own intuition, but he was very demanding of facts from others.

And so what if Anata'ka was attached to Chota'di, did that really mean anything? Uhura did not know, but until she understood what Anata'ka and Kirk had discussed, she would not rule it out. The fact that the Empress remained silent on the topic was a statement in and of itself.

Motives were always at question when the stakes were high. Kirk's safety was paramount in her mind. She knew he would risk himself if he thought the outcome warranted it. Usually, he was right, but sometimes it had cost him dearly. Uhura did not want anything to happen to him on her watch. She intended to bring him back in one piece from this mission.

And now, with the dinner drawing to a close, it became time to address another mission. A much more personal one, with stakes far higher than she wanted to acknowledge. How did she meet this challenge? Sex was one of her favorite pastimes and something at which she had considered herself to be quite skilled. But that was before--before she had been stripped of all control and used like no sentient being should ever be used, before she been abused in so heinous a fashion that the mere memory of Orion hands touching her sent waves of nausea through Uhura. The memories of their other trespasses did far worse. Yet now, she risked far more than bad memories if she did not break their hold upon her. She risked losing everything she loved in life if she could not smother that fear and let someone be close to her again.

Physically or emotionally, Uhura knew it was really the same. To allow someone to touch you physically meant a lowering of emotional barriers, and to lower those barriers one had to trust. Now, that was the question. Could she trust again? On a deep and meaningful level, could she allow another soul to enter? She had thought that question answered when Spock and Kirk had helped her in the meld--surely she had trusted them--but the pysch scan had argued differently. Apparently there was still one barrier blocking her return to normalcy: to unequivocally give herself, mind and body, to another.

Could she do it? Three months ago she would have laughed at the idea of being scared to sleep with James Kirk. Not that she had ever had anyone to ponder such thoughts with. Christine might share her fantasies, but Uhura did not. At least, not that fantasy, the one that had crept into her heart when she wasn't looking.

Strange, the forced intimacy she and Kirk had shared as Parmen's playthings had triggered it within her, the moment he became more than a commanding officer in her eyes. Something she had tried to keep hidden until the fear of losing him in the Tholian Incident had forced her to face it. Uhura was a realist; she did not expect a sudden declaration of love from him. Yet, coming so close to losing him and never having been brave enough to voice her interest was not something she would risk again.

She had tried to make it light--a quick kiss and a teasing flirt were all she had intended. However, her bravery had crumbled and she had ran before he had had time to respond. That had resulted in 'the talk'. The same one, or a variation thereof, that he had given Janice before he finally convinced her she was wasting her talents and needed to pursue a more challenging career. He had offered to recommend her for OCS, but she had declined, opting for an accelerated engineering program. She had told him she wasn't ready for that big of a jump yet, but might call him on it one day.

No one but Janice knew she knew about that conversation, and they never would. Janice had come to her, crushed and crying late one night. Something had happened between her and Kirk, nothing of any consequence, but he had finally told her he could not be what she wanted him to be. Janice had kept her composure during his speech and even agreed to do more with her opportunities, something he had badgered her about for months. But as soon as she had reached Uhura's quarters she had cried like a baby. She could not go to Sulu; he would not understand how she could profess a love for him but still be so enamored with the captain.

When Kirk had spoken to Uhura it amounted to the same, he cared but could not return the affection. Except, when he had told her how he felt, she had believed he was telling her the truth and not just something she wanted to hear. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on her part; a way to assuage bruised pride. It had certainly seemed real in the meld. His caring was real there. So much seemed tied to that meld, her salvation and their damnation. Had it been the trauma of nearly losing her that had made him feel it too? A kindred sense of loss, resulting in a kindred sense of longing?

She did not know and time was not waiting for her to discover the answer. Or maybe it had, perhaps the last three months were just filler, waiting for this mission, the one brief moment in their lives when they could actually connect with each other. Tonight she would remember who she had been and fight to be that person again. She would trust with her heart and her body and wake up whole again. If anyone could make her so again, she knew it was Jim.

Oh? The music was finishing and the guests were chirping in a singsong voice, the Potakai equivalent of applause. She looked over and saw Kirk smiling at her, clapping in Human fashion.

"I'll leave the chirping to you, Penda, if you don't mind. I can't do that any better than I can sing. However, I can applaud."

***

The dinner was over and Pahzj had tucked them back safely in their apartments. It was very late and everyone else seemed to have retired for the night. Kirk checked in with Spock as soon as they were alone and Uhura used this as an opportunity to change into something more seductive. Actually, that was a challenge, as her dress that evening had been extremely revealing. Yet, somehow, she thought the tatted lace gown she selected would suffice. The possibility of tonight had been her sole reason for packing it.

Slowly, she took down her hair, draping it around her shoulders in the style she knew he liked, brushing it thoroughly until it shone with its own inner light. She debated about removing her makeup but decided to leave that little bit of confidence in place. She slipped on her robe and spritzed herself with a final mist of perfume, drawing her courage around her as tightly as she had tied the sash of her robe.

Walking into the common area, Uhura saw that the lights were again low, a slightly brighter glow coming from Kirk's room. She drew a deep breath and made her way to the entrance. He was there, standing at the balcony doors. He turned at her movement and smiled invitingly.

"I thought you might have changed your mind. Would you like a night cap?" He moved to pour them a drink without waiting for her response.

'Nerves, he's nervous about this too' Uhura thought to herself.

"I'd love one, Jim." She found her voice was soft and seductive.

"I'm not running anymore. I told you I wanted my life back." Her eyes took in his image--bare chest, silk loungers seated low over his hips, tousled hair, long lashes and that enticing smile--the sight of him caused a transformation in her. Timidity was being pushed aside and the real Uhura was beginning to make herself known again.

"I'm glad you decided to fight for this, Penda. I don't want to lose you." He offered her the drink and stayed in close.

"I don't want to lose you either. My world is the Enterprise, and the Enterprise is you. That sounds silly, but it's as close as I can translate what you both mean to me." She looked up into his serious eyes before taking a sip of her drink.

"No, Penda, it’s not silly. If anything, you just expressed my relationship with you both in one sentence. My ship is my life and my crew is hers. They're inseparable and I can't be happy without them both." He broke her gaze for a moment and stared into nothingness. His tone was soft, but slightly bitter as he continued.

"I'm not supposed to put a face on the crew--not supposed to grow attached--but that's what makes a great team, and is also its curse. When I lose one of you, it's my responsibility. It's harder when I remember the smile… when I remember the shared joke in the mess hall…remember seeing the holopics of family back home. Those take a toll and make it harder to let others in."

He tossed back his drink and set his glass back on the table before reaching up to cup her chin, making her look him in the eyes and hear his words.

"Penda, I want to make love to you tonight... I *do* love you, and that's forever, but I can't fall *in love* with you. We've discussed the reasons before and they're still the same, but I can't sleep with you tonight if I don't say this again. You mean more to me than is safe, or healthy, for two who serve together. I want you with me, but more importantly, I want you to be happy. If that's always by my side, I think I can handle that. If you ever want to explore other opportunities, I'll support and recommend you in any way I can."

His touch became a caress against her cheek; his voice carried a hint of sadness.

"But I don't want you to stay on Enterprise just because of me, and if tonight changes anything, I can't let it go on. You have your dreams and I don't want you to lose sight of them for something that can never be realized. Years from now, I don't want you resenting or hating me for it."

Uhura found herself divested of her drink. He had both her hands captured in his own and she felt as if he were trying to channel his thoughts to her as much as express them.

"There are many possibilities for companionship onboard for you, but I'm not one of them. When this mission is over, so is what we will share here. Tonight is about rebuilding trust, and trust is built on honesty. I will always be honest with you Penda, and I need you to be honest with me, tonight and always. I don't mean to sound cold; I just need you to understand my feelings. You wouldn't respect any other decision I could make."

He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.

'Oh, why did he have to bring honor into this?' She thought. It was the one thing she admired about him that would always get in the way of what she craved. Uhura kissed him back, but kept it tender. She knew she had to answer him before he would allow it to escalate.

"If we're being honest, I need to confess that I'd be willing to try and respect something a little more long term." She tried to soften the seriousness of his gaze with her attempt at humor; however, his look did not waver.

"I know--you're right," she sighed, and stroked his cheek as he still held her in his arms, "but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Ever since Platonius, I've wanted you, and even what happened to me on Bengali hasn't changed that." Uhura noticed a look of shock cross his face at her mention of Platonius.

"I know we wouldn't even be having this conversation if it weren't for that nightmare, but since it did happen, I can't say I'm sorry it’s worked out this way." She eased out of his arms; it was too perverse to discuss keeping her distance when she was ensconced in his embrace.

"It will be difficult at first--to go back to being just Captain and Lieutenant--but if that's all I can have, I'll learn to accept it. What is my alternative? Nothing. I lose you, Enterprise and all my dreams of being in space. This is my one chance to indulge my fantasies and keep living my dream. I would be crazy to tempt Fate and ask for more."

Uhura did not have to confess to him that she felt just a bit crazy at the moment. She stopped and looked into his eyes, waiting to see if he would accept her answer.

Kirk's gaze softened and a suggestive grin tugged at the corners of his mouth as he stepped in close and took her by the shoulders.

"No Penda, it won't be easy, for either of us, but we can worry about that--later." He leaned down and kissed her softly once again, but this time he didn't pull away. He increased the pressure on her lips and Uhura opened to his demand. She felt his tongue dance with hers. As he retreated, she nipped his lower lip and he smiled at her response.

Then his face became more deliberate and intense. He reached out and slowly pulled the sash of Uhura's closed robe, keeping his eyes locked with hers and gently pushing it off her shoulders. Tonight he let it fall at her feet, forgotten in favor of what he still had before him.

Uhura felt his eyes roam over her body, searing her skin where they traveled. Her heart was racing and her chest felt tight; it was no longer just a tease, no longer a fantasy. The reality of what was happening punched her in the stomach and she had to fight back the desire to run. No! She wanted this--he was *her* choice. This was what she needed. Uhura pushed the panic down; it wasn't gone but it was at bay. She took a deep breath and let herself enjoy his gaze.

At her sigh, Kirk looked up and scrutinized her face. She knew he sensed her unease and wondered if she was she able to go on. She smiled at him; it was shaky but sincere.

Uhura watched as Kirk pulled one strap and then the other of her gown off her shoulders, leaving them bare. She became lost in the feeling of his fingers brushing down each side of her throat, then down her shoulders, hypnotized by the touch of his lips against the nape of her neck. His warm breath sent chill bumps all over her body as it caressed her ear, his hands wandering over her skin, seeking to memorize each place that quivered under his graze.

When he stopped, a soft whimper escaped her lips. He reached down and unzipped the back of her gown, the only way to peel the tight bodice away from her breasts. Yet, he did not remove the gown, instead, he stepped back a pace or two, until he could see her whole body.

"Take off your gown for me, Penda. Stand there and let me see how beautiful you are." He whispered in a husky voice.

Uhura let the gown fall to the floor, allowing it to keep company with the forgotten robe. A part of her wanted to melt into the floor as well, but she drew herself up and stood defiantly in front of him, pushing the confused embarrassment out of her mind. Why should she want to hide from him? She knew she had a beautiful body; long hours in the gym kept it taut and toned. She used to enjoy a man's appraisal of her form, at least those she invited. Uhura looked into Kirk's face and saw appreciation and desire for her.

He moved toward her, still slowly running his eyes over her naked form. He captured her in his arms and began to use his hands against her flesh, touching places she wanted him to feel. He stroked her back and the mounds of her hips and cheeks. Pulling her close, he again took possession of her mouth. Still being devoured by his kisses, she felt his hands glide to her waist and then continue to her breasts. He rubbed each sensually and massaged her nipples until they hurt with need.

Jim began to push her toward the bed and Uhura felt the edge of it against the back of her knees. Trapped between the softness of its invitation and the hardness of his body pressing into her, she sat, but did not allow him to follow her down. He tendered one more sweet kiss on her lips before he straightened, and let her take control.

Uhura gave him a seductive smile at his surrender and ran her hands over his chest. She moved slowly, changing the pressure from a firm grasp against his nipples to a wickedly delicate raking of her nails against his flanks. Again, his muscles rippled under her touch, sent into spasm by her tender torture. He grabbed her hands, holding them against further mischief.

"Don't tickle." He scolded in a raspy voice, but the reproach did little to hinder her. Instead, she pulled her hands away and moved to the tie of his silk loungers and began to pull it.

"I think you're over-dressed." Uhura murmured as she continued loosening the knot. She reached into the waistband and began to peel away the last layer separating them. She did not do it quickly; she moved her hands in slow deliberate motions, easing the soft material off his hips and freeing his seeking erection from the sudden confines of the garment.

All fear was gone from Uhura now. Once she had her hand around him, stroking him and reveling in his soft moans, she remembered the ecstasy of sharing herself. She leaned in and allowed her hot breath to dance across him, pushing the pants down and away from what she sought. She grabbed his firm cheeks and pinched before raking her nails possessively across them and down his thighs. Kirk leaned into her, silently begging for more and she obliged. Her mouth found his sensitive head, running her tongue teasingly around it before wrapping around his shaft and gently running her teeth along its full length. She felt his fingers lock into her hair, then relax and stroke through the softness.

With a growl, he reached under her arms and drew her with him into the bed. Once again taking control, his hands captured hers and pulled them over her head while he kissed her lips, throat and breasts. Uhura gave herself over to the sensations he evoked, lost herself in the feel of his hands and mouth as they discovered her body.

She moved and moaned as his hand dropped low and began to explore, his fingers gently easing into her wetness. Even as excited as she was, Uhura knew she was tight, too tight yet to enjoy what was to come. Thanks to McCoy's skill as a surgeon, she was a virgin once again.

Jim's hands continued to explore as his mouth consumed her breasts, apparently unable to select a favorite. His fingers seemed to know all of her secrets, they moved into her with a rhythm she found undeniable. The rhythm began to take control and pull her higher and higher; she writhed under his touch, craving release. He stroked her tense bud and she cried out in pleasure, grinding in spasms of delight against his hand as he smothered her mouth with his.

When she could breathe again, she looked up into his eyes and saw a tender smile warring with a look of self-satisfaction. Uhura pulled him down to her and tried to kiss the smirk off his face. She had little success.

He pulled away and began to dapple kisses down her body, not stopping until he had pushed her legs apart and made himself comfortable between them. He looked up at her, a playful glint in his eyes, then leaned down and tasted her. Uhura moaned in anticipation as his tongue darted into her and traced enigmatic patterns. He cast another spell and quickly pushed her back up to the heights she had so recently descended. His teeth gently took her center and pulled while he sucked and drew her over the edge. The second surrender was more devastating than the first. Uhura shuddered and bucked hard against him, the weight of his shoulders the only thing keeping her on the bed. She gasped as her body heaved in climax.

Trailing soft kisses along her belly and breasts, Jim worked his way back up to Uhura's mouth. She could taste herself on his lips and it excited her even more. Uhura moved her hands down along his taut flanks, then reached to caress the hardness she found between their bodies. The caress became a strong, encircling grasp that stroked from the base and ended at the slightly moist tip. She rubbed her palm against the moistness and felt him shudder under her touch.

Suddenly, Jim pulled himself away and pushed her legs apart with his knee, making room for his hips and positioning his erection at her entrance. Uhura felt the tip touch her wet cleft and she moved her legs, locking them around his, pulling him closer. Still holding his weight on his arms, Kirk hesitated, looking deep into Uhura's eyes. She was not capable of denying him anything; she thrust her hips, trying to impale herself upon him.

Slowly, he lowered his arms, capturing her mouth as he pushed his way into her. He took his sweet torturous time. Uhura moaned under him, his gentle invasion driving her crazy. She wanted to feel him all the way inside her, thrusting hard and filling her past her limits. She knew he was trying not to hurt her, trying not to awaken bad memories, but Uhura could stand it no longer. She grabbed his cheeks and pulled him all the way in. There was pain, but it was good. He filled her and she nearly came again.

Jim slid his arms under her shoulders and cradled her head in his hands. He rocked gently against her, and Uhura luxuriated in the sensation of each long stroke. She lost herself in his kisses on her lips, along her temple and against her ear. Gradually, his pace quickened and the strokes became harder and deeper. Uhura rolled her hips and pulled her legs up, wrapping them around his back. His thrusts were driving now and she could feel herself building toward ecstasy again. She could tell he was nearing the edge himself and arched against him just a bit more, pulling him over the precipice with her.

He cried out as he thrust deeply one last time. Uhura shuddered, pulling him down into a deep kiss. Her head swirled as a wave of dizziness overcame her. She held him close and kept her eyes tightly shut, trying to hold herself and him still through the tiny aftershocks that shook the both of them. Jim had collapsed on top of her and she reveled in the feeling of intimacy his weight conferred. The dizziness started to pass and Uhura took a cleansing breath, hoping to hurry it along. Jim thought he was crushing her and tried to pull away.

"No, stay here a moment. I love how you feel against me." She whispered in his ear.

He answered with a kiss and a half-hearted thrust. "Mmmm...let me know when I get too heavy for you."

"Well, that might be never. I could go to sleep like this."

Much to her chagrin, he raised up on his elbows and looked down into her face.

"You probably could, but can I convince you to curl up against my side instead?"

"Maybe, if you'll wrap me in your arms. It's a poor substitute, but I'll try to work with you." She grinned up at him.

Jim laughed and moved off her. Flipping onto his back, he pulled her into his arms and nestled Uhura against his chest.

"Now, *I* can go to sleep like this." He sighed happily and gave her a gentle squeeze.

Still slightly missing her human blanket, Uhura pouted. "Ah--well, we know it's always all about you, don't we?" She tried to hide the grin his look provoked in her.

"Oh, really?" He questioned in mock indignation. He pulled her atop of him and held her there. "Let's see, we never do anything you want to do, right?"

Uhura lost her battle with the giggles and laughed out loud. Kirk wrapped her in his arms and hugged her tightly against him. He attempted to kiss her between giggles, but quickly gave up.

"I'll make you go to your own room if you don't stop." He tried to threaten.

That just provoked a new fit of laughter and he laid back his head and sighed. "That's me, always leave them laughing."

Another squeal of laughter escaped Uhura. Kirk just shook his head and pushed her back into the crook of his arm. Uhura buried her face against his side and laughed herself out. He held her close and waited for her to get control. It had been funny, but they both knew enough psychology to realize her giggles were more about de-stressing than real humor. She had conquered her fear and the intense relief was overwhelming.

As Uhura regained control of herself and could keep the laughter at bay, she raised up and looked into Jim's eyes. His look was curious, unsure if she was about to lose it again or attempting to speak.

"Jim, I'm sorry, please don't send me to my room." She grinned impishly, then kissed him before becoming more serious, locking her gaze with his.

"I didn't think I would ever feel the way you just made me feel again. You've given me back my life once more and I'll always love you for it."

"Penda, I would be lying if I said I'd never fantasized about a night like tonight. You've given me just as much in return."

He rolled over and trapped her beneath him, brushing her lips with his. Uhura looked up and stared into his eyes. She pulled her arms over her head, encouraging him to take possession of her body once more. He grasped her hands, easily holding her in place while she arched her back and pushed against him, begging to feel beautiful once again.

He hated to see her beg...

***

TBC

~ID'ic